I originally wrote this article for an anthology which never got published… It has been sitting around for a while, and when I ran into it today, I said… I gotta’ post this on my blog! So here it goes:

I have a barely dressed, beautiful, fat woman on my couch, and while the flash of my studio lights fill the room and each carefully executed image is written to my camera, I ask. “So, what made you decide to model.”

She smiles back at me coyly and says, “I am fifty years old.” (A fact which I never would have guessed when I offered her the job back in June.) “And this body has been with me all of my life. I think it’s finally time to embrace it.

I guess I techinically work in pornography. People pay money to see pictures and videos of me in all my bare-breasted glory, so I guess you could call me a porn star. Although, that title sounds the exact ratio of trashy and diva that I just love… I think it is not very accurate. What I do is artistic. What I do is empowering. I don’t work for some sweaty creep who wants to see a little more of this or that. I have worked for that guy, when I needed some extra funds. Not my finest moments, admittedly, but like any other career, worked my way up through the ranks. I have had moments of failure and moments of triumph over my nearly 8 years as Softcore-PornGirl.

But this job has given me much more than a paycheck. It has given me a deep love, appreciation and understanding of myself and my body that I never had before.

18 year old pre-porn me hated herself. She dieted constantly. She hated getting on a scale. She was sad… And not because she wasn’t beautiful or interesting, but because she was afraid that no one else could see those qualities in her. She had bought into the myth that she was unlovable, that she was supposed to fundamentally change who she was to be happy. She was wrong.

At 23 I was offered my first webmodeling job, and I took it. I was a nervous wreck about it. I was somewhat unsure of how to be sexy, and I thought the idea was to accentuate my face. I was always told I had such a pretty face, ever since I was a chubby little girl. Every time some one told me how pretty my face was, I heard how unattractive the rest of me was. I quickly learned that men don’t pay $15 a month for a subscription to see your pretty face.

Fat Admirers (also called FAs)… Yes they really do admire your fat. It’s not a myth. There are so many of them out there. And moreover, I also learned that there was an entire world of fat women who loved themselves and carried that extra fluff with pride. And slowly, over time… I became one of them. I looked up to other women who had been in the industry for years already and were working for themselves, producing websites, and being an outspoken part of the fat-positive movement.

This year, I started working on a project. It is a celebration of curvy women, with a particular focus on SuperSized BBWs, such as myself… And I am finally doing it. I am producing porn, albeit, a softcore, fun, flirty, fetishy version of porn. I no longer have to take the sweaty creep job to make ends meet, and I can offer other women, what I so desperately needed and was so kindly given myself. A chance to know and love their bodies. A chance to finally make friends with that mass of gorgeous flesh that has been staring back at them in the mirror for most of their lives.

Now, let’s face it there were other motivations that led me to this point. Money, a way to work for myself, an opportunity to work with other experienced webmodels who I have admired for years, an opportunity to give paid work to my other friends in the industry, to further build my own reputation in the webmodel world. But an unexpected and welcome perk of this job, was that 50 year old, beautiful woman sitting in my studio. That woman who had never shot a professional photo in her 50 years telling me that this was finally her chance to embrace her body that she had spent so many years trying to ignore.

So this is my chance to urge those of you fat-bodied girls who shy away from the scale an try to focus on your pretty face in the mirror. Take some naked pictures. Whether you post them on the world-wide web and charge the world at large $19.99 a month for the pleasure of viewing them. Or if you take them with your cellphone in the privacy of your own bedroom. Then sit an look at these photos. Take it from an expert that there are people all over the world who think your body is sexy, beautiful and amazing. You have fans, and it is time for you to take your place among them.